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lunes, marzo 16, 2009

La Liga And Manners And Psychokinesis

Eduardo Alves sets out the rules for conduct during Spanish La Liga games:
As I was watching the match, I remembered the set of unwritten rules of behaviour I learnt through decades of attending to football matches in Spain: you shall never arrive late at the start of the first or second half; you shall never take pictures standing during the match; you shall not initiate nor participate in The Wave (exception: national team matches, full of fair-weather fans); you shall not leave your seat during the match for any reason (hunger, thirst, severe stomach disorders, etc.); and of course, you shall NEVER leave the stadium until the match is over, even in the event of a humiliating defeat.

Breaking this code always gets you told off by neighbouring fans. You have to be completely focused on the match, from the start until the final whistle, as if the result depended on each fan's concentration. Incidentally, this is probably why any Spaniard watching a baseball game becomes desperate just after the top of the first inning, as one would think those two teams with bats and gloves are just an excuse to eat, drink, take pictures and wander around the stadium.

The key here is to behave "as if the result depended on each fan's concentration."

Even in a 0-0 game, as we all realize, there's still plenty to watch, and most of it is not going to be in any of the highlights shows or on videotape replays. So you have to concentrate on what you're seeing. Because it's only going to happen once, and then it's going to happen quickly. But, of course, because everyone else is doing the same thing, you have to do this in a way that doesn't disturb anyone else's concentration.

Concentration, you will recall, is how Uri Geller, who was Hungarian/Israeli and not Spanish, bent forks with mind control. Singing and yelling don't disturb concentration; only standing in front of someone who's trying to concentrate and blocking the view of the field.

Of course, we all know the limitations of concentration and futbol from the same Uri Geller:
After in 1997 trying to help Coca Cola League 2 football club Exeter City win a crucial end of season game by placing energy-infused crystals behind the goals at Exeter's ground (Exeter would eventually lose the game 5–1) he was appointed co-chairman of the club in 2002. The club would be relegated to the Nationwide Conference in May 2003, where they were to remain for five years.

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