Reason Number 3,567 For Putting $$ Under Your Mattress

Are they going to start calling this The Crash Of 2009? The New York Times bears the grim news:

The Dow Jones industrial average plunged below 7,000 Monday for the first time in more than 11 years as investors grow even more pessimistic about the health of banks, and in turn the economy.

A staggering $61.7 billion in quarterly losses at insurer American International Group Inc. touched off fresh fears about the health of the nation's financial system.

The worries pushed the blue chips below 7,000 for the first time since Oct. 28, 1997. The credit crisis and recession have now slashed half the average's value since it hit a record high over 14,000 in October 2007.... snip

''As bad as things are, they can still get worse, and get a lot worse,'' said Bill Strazzullo, chief market strategist for Bell Curve Trading. Strazzullo said he believes there's a significant chance the S&P 500 and the Dow will fall back to their 1995 levels of 500 and 5,000, respectively.... snip

In late morning trading, the Dow fell 184.94, or 2.6 percent, to 6,877.99. The Dow last closed below the 7,000 level on May 1, 1997....

In afternoon trading, Britain's FTSE 100 fell 4.5 percent, Germany's DAX index fell 3.2 percent, and France's CAC-40 fell 3.7 percent. Earlier, Japan's Nikkei stock average dropped 3.8 percent and Hong Kong's Hang Seng index fell 3.9 percent.

And a hearty, "Oh thank you so very, very much," to the Bush administration and its many greedy, unscrupulous cronies. Without you, we could never have restored America's belief in mattresses as savings instruments. [Obligatory string of expletives deleted.] If only we had something left to put there.